


the state of dried-up colours

by peppersnot



Category: Free!
Genre: Other, character centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppersnot/pseuds/peppersnot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is in the middle of the night, at a hotel room in Sydney that Nanase Haruka stands at the window, slightly cold but not really, wondering how it came to this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the state of dried-up colours

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell i'm hurting really bad b/c of ep 11? cause idk man haru's situation is like, EXACTLY what i'm going through rn (choosing uni and a future, having no dream or motivation) and i understand him so well that i have literally cried into my pillow at night for him. my precious boy, everything will be fine.
> 
> title from dried up youthful fame, because somehow it hits. somehow. idk.

It is in the middle of the night, at a hotel room in Sydney that Nanase Haruka stands at the window, slightly cold but not really, wondering how it came to this.

Rin is sleeping soundly, in the other bed. Their luggage is still packed and lying on the suitcase rack in the corner of the room, and the empty plates from the dinner Rin had ordered from room service are sitting on the small coffee table in the corner. Haruka wants to run. He wants to leave the hotel room, leave the feeling that comes with it and just run out into the open air and  _breathe_.

But his English is sparse, and he doesn’t know Australia like Rin does. This is Rin’s land, and he can’t go anywhere here without Rin. It’s scary, he thinks, as he stands and watches the still busy road how unlike home this place is. It’s uncomfortable and it’s cold in the middle of what should be summer.

It’s also scary, he thinks, how even the water can’t calm him down anymore.

The first time he swam was when he was four, maybe five, he doesn’t exactly remember. His parents had taken him to the ocean and his father had taught him how to swim when he’d asked how people kept themselves from not falling down to the floor, like he did in the bathtub.

He’d spent his life swimming. He’d spent his life running to the water when there was nothing else. He’d spent the last thirteen years believing he would always have the water as his sanctuary, his safety hideout to run to.

He hadn’t expected this.

Rin shifts around on the bed and Haruka slips on his jacket and walks out onto the balcony. The air is warmer than it was inside – possibly because of the air conditioner Rin had refused to turn off. He stands and breathes in the smell of Australia.

It’s blatantly different. The smell is different and unfamiliar, but somehow, it feels kind of okay. Haruka isn’t used to change. Haruka hates change and he hates being in situations he’s not used to dealing with. But this, he thinks, this is fine.

He’s not sure why.

There is a lingering thought in his mind that tells him Rin would understand him  _here_ , and not back home, because this is where the water rejected Rin, so Rin would know what he feels like. He scoffs and pushes the thought away because really, he doesn’t want to think about it.

He doesn’t want to think about never being able to swim anymore. He doesn’t want to think about having to find something to make him start swimming again, because he doesn’t think there is anything like that left in the world.

He swims for himself and his friends.

His friends are moving on. His friends are getting scouted and moving to Tokyo, or staying back for another year of high school.

He still swims for himself but it’s not the same. It’s just not the same.

“Haru?”

He turns around to see a sleepy Rin standing against the door of the balcony, rubbing his eyes. His hair’s a mess. A car horn breaks the night silence.

“It’s late, Haru, get to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow.”

Haruka brushes past Rin to climb into his bed, not saying a word. He hasn’t said anything since they got here, and he can’t bring himself to. It doesn’t feel right to have to speak. He wishes Rin were like Makoto, but he wants to not think about Makoto, so he tries to think about everything else.

He thinks of the water, but even that doesn’t help. He doesn’t like the water anymore. Even the thought of being in the water makes his entire body feel heavy and he wants to curl up under the sheets and never get out.

_“You can do anything you want!”_

Nagisa’s words come to him randomly, and he thinks about that. Can he? He can draw, he can cook. He can’t swim, though. And he can’t make the people around him happy, he can’t accept the way the world works, can’t quite process the fact that he – the supposed ‘genius’ – is the only one being left behind, can’t quite make out that suddenly, he doesn’t want to be just  _ordinary_  anymore.

Rin mutters something in his sleep and Haruka closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to think about anything anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted on tumblr@candylit


End file.
